lyrics that hit you in a bar at 1 am

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you that I almost believe that they're real...
-the cure

thought:

"Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures"
-the postal service

coolness

Source: Proxima Therapeutics, Inc.

"Gliasite is a procedure that delivers radiation to delicate parts of the brain. It follows the surgical removal of malignant brain tumors.
Once a tumor has been removed, a Gliasite balloon catheter is inserted into the remaining cavity. The catheter stays in the cavity for several days until the patient has recovered from surgery. It is then slowly filled with a solution of liquid radiation called Iotrex.
The Iotrex radiation is delivered over the course of about a week. The radiotherapy works through the balloon on the edges of the tumor cavity, where future tumors are most likely to develop." Source: http://www.umm.edu/neurosurgery/gliasite.html

sunrise at DIA

1 July 2005

birthday

Breakfast at Lucille's. Happy Birthday to Fede. 6.29.05

Boulder Hills

Hike up Sanitas with some budddies.

it's very rarely worth it.

of water

Ever wonder why it's so important to drink lots of water everyday? Ever wonder why you feel bad after someone was negative with you and wonderful when someone complimented you? Feel good when you do well, feel crummy when you do poorly?

Check out this website.
http://www.globaldialoguecenter.com/emoto_exhibit_flash.html

fyi

Work of Alex Grey. His website: www.alexgrey.com Amazing stuff.

how true

"There is still no indication that the Bush administration recognizes the utter folly of its war in Iraq, which has been like a constant spray of gasoline on the fire of global terrorism. What was required in the aftermath of Sept. 11 was an intense, laserlike focus by America and its allies on Al Qaeda-type terrorism."
-Bob Herbert, NYT, 25 July 2005

P.S.

And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?
-the postal service

It seems to me there is a goal in life--actually, there are tons of them, thousands, depending upon whom you ask. Doesn't it seem like Goodness is some goal for which we might want to work toward? Generosity? Honesty? Loyalty? Wealth? Love? Health? Independence? Intellect? Faith? I wonder how people's value systems get set up...If they're spontaneous or nurtured, inherent or learned. What is there to do about a world in which value systems vary so much from one continent to another, one generation to another, one culture to another, one house to another. How can there be so many people in the world and so many options and, yet, so much conflict? It seems like there ought to be a different approach. Has there really been an effort to stop fighting, stop being right, stop killing, or is it just a facade? Are we all really in that much 'danger'? When is enough really enough?

fantasy

I want to learn to sail.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
-bob dylan

nostalgia

i'm going to miss boulder in the summer time. a friend of mine and i went out last night, had some food, walked around, had a drink. saw music and tons of tourists (and locals, i assume, who don't much come out of the woodwork) and people spinning fire and kids screaming and running around the fountain. there was this little kid, maybe 3 or 4. He and his older brother ripped off their clothes and the little one, still in his diaper, walked right over to the water. This fountain is a set of tiles on the ground, and the water will shoot through little openings in the tiles, sporadically. This little kid finally figured out that if he stood long enough over one of the tiles, the water would shoot out of it. So he got it, would stand there and grin when the water exploded into his face. Much to the amsuement of the adults standing around, he started squatting over the tiles, sort of like he was trying to sit down but paused and would get another big grin when the shoots of water would spray up onto his bottom. It was the most hilarious, pure thing I have witnessed as of late. His brother wouldn't go in the fountain until the little one went, but finally had enough guts to start sparring with the shoots of water. Ahh, the simplicities of childhood.

FACT:

it has officially reached 103 F today in Boulder. holy crap.

catching up...

the emotions are starting to catch up. i think the reality of having graduated from college is just starting to take a punch. it's amazing. over a month ago, i was strutting across the stage to accept my diploma, and it's just now starting to make me cry. i am moving. maybe that's the catalyst. i love change, i love to move and start over and lift heavy furniture and work out the logistics (because i ashamedly have that much crap to tow around)...i went 'home' for the afternoon/evening today, and as i was on my way out the door, mom started to cry and i started to cry and it made me think about my first day of college. i was in washington state, definitely not the hour drive i am now, but it felt a bit the same way. a sort of passage, moving on and forward, enjoying the past, being excited and nervous about the future. mom said that after she left me in washington, she cried the whole 2 day drive back home. i only cried for 3 minutes after i left the house tonight, but i feel like a big part of things has begun to shift.
roadtrips kind of freak me out. my family is leaving over the course of the next two days to go on a road trip and i am not going with them. i have these nightmareish visions of hurdling car crashes and headlong accidents and i can't help but pray they won't be involved in something similar. i get queasy even thinking about it. is that weird?
there is this autoshop and carwash place up the way from our neighborhood. for as long as i can remember their sign out on the main street has house random thoughts or quotes or quips that make your drive the slightest bit more enjoyable. the two on the board for the last couple of months have been the following: "the softer the bread, the harder the butter" and the second, "whoever angers you controls you" touche. however, the latter is grammatically incorrect, which adds a touch of humor. i ask in the car on the way home from dinner, "Shouldn't that read whoMever angers you..." mom nods her head.
As for the other quote, what the hell?

summer class...

can be a real bummer.

vancouver in the spring time

Vancouver, B.C.
Spring 2005

T-town in the rainy weather of spring.

Tacoma, Washington
Spring 2005
Lots of girls and loads of fun.

Great times with a dear friend. New Years 2004-2005. Boulder.

sunset...

"you're like a sunset...nice to look at and impossible to have" t.holmes to e.frost

first real thought.

damn damn damn. just had a good entry going and the computer decided to close my window. what a cathartic exercise this is going to turn out to be. now the whole gist of this is going to be completely different than it started as.
i had this whole thing going about bob dylan, how he is an aquired taste, and how i remember seeing him in concert when i was in the 5th grade, and being able to look back now and laugh at myself and the events that went down that night. i guess all the detail i wrote about earlier doesn't matter so much.
i approach writing with some trepidation, as i am scared of the computer. of its inadvertent, random and spontaneous wrath. (SAVE, liz, SAVE the frigging document.)
I await some mala beads from a friend. she has decided to send them to me, for what reason, i am not sure and pretty sure it doesn't matter. but they have been to tibet and blessed and i will be graciously wearing them.
my otherwise semieloquent writing cannot be mustered right now. someone told me the other day that my emails from italy sounded like i was trying too hard. i was shocked. either at the fact i was so transparent, or that i actually had spent enough time writing them that it was that apparent. (yes these two aspects are differnt) but i think what we write and how we write it is a direct reflection of the person we are. at least at the moment. the emails were thoughtful and tried to be insightful. this is just existential and daily vomit. Beware.
'times they are a'changin'...' no kidding.
i am reading books right now, and i can't get enough, nor can i read fast enough.
i feel like my mind is defunct, not interested in thinking clearly because my mind is indeed in other places. all over in and out and across and near and up and down and ohmygod i'll never get it all down.
i have thought of writing a book sometime in my life, but i wonder if i have experienced enough things in life, enough bad things, that it would be worth reading. it's like the only justification for being indulgent enough to write about my own life, having experienced true tragedy, direct and raw. i wouldn't write about anything else because i don't know anything else better. it is all introspection and lenses and perspective and learning. would anyone actually want to read it? maybe i will know someday.
my grandfather asked me on the phone today how my love life is. i told him it is nonexistent, like it has been since last summer. he said, 'finally you're learning.' and i wanted to ask him, 'so, what, you can be completely in love with your wife and companion of 57 years, and i can't have a fling here or there that break me into pieces?" but i refrained from asking. knowing that my elders almost always know better than i do, and the only reason they don't is for generational changes, daily things that don't end up mattering anyway, in the grand scheme of things. it was interesting. not a new conversation, but today would have been his 59 years of marriage, had my dear grandmother not passed away two years ago. however, she is still very much part of my life, of his life. just as my other grandmother is still very much in my heart, in my other grandfather's heart. i can't imagine being so in love with one person in one lifetime that it can affect your grandchildren and your grandchildren's friends. i actually can imagine what it is like, but have yet to find it. i think maybe people have yet to find it, this life or the next, now in life or later. it makes me want to weep, the possibility of creating a family, a network or similar features and mannerisms and experiences and behaviors which may be attributed to parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles...i guess one lifetime of surviving marriages is not such a common thing these days. but i wouldn't actually know. i have been lucky. very very lucky. and some say it's not luck, you chose your parents. i say maybe, but i know they have given me more than i can understand. can it all really happen from a guy in a bar seeing a girl across and saying, "she's the one..." how does this all work?
sometimes i doubt whether i will find someone or have children. friends of mine will immediately laugh, knowing thoughts like this passage have existed in my brain for the length of my life, and will say, 'you're crazy. you'll be a wife and lover and mother and you will work and all of it'. i still am not convinced.

another friend, another quote

"LIZ ROCKETH IN THINE BOULDER ESTATE. I AM GLAD MY RUFFLE HATH NOT CAUSED THY LANDLORD TO CATCH YOU FINES.... "

great line from a friend...

"it was a normal getaway...no traffic. A car instead of a cab. Easy."

Cloudy Days

Storm clouds, Boulder CO
Summer solctice and full moon day

NYC, 2005

Wonderful NYC, July 4th Weekend

NYC, 2005

view from the Bronx, view of jersey, some of us on the subway, old friends, girls...

Times Square

Smart looking, eh?

Cloisters Museum, NYC

Courtyard

Bryant Park, NYC

La Dolce Vita

It's a wonderful movie. I spoke to a woman today who thought it was without climax. (Kind of ironic?!) As if there was no real catch to the movie. I admit, having just finished watching, I feel sort of miffed. In a good way, I suppose. Anyone seen it? If you haven't you should. And don't watch it like I did, all in bits and pieces, 20 minutes here, 90 there, off and on. Watch it all at once, it one sitting. It's not particulary difficult, it all ties together, and it occurs to me now that it would be a wonderful flick to elicit a great discussion. The Golden Jesus at the beginning has me a bit curious. As a preemptive newsflash to the contrary behavior depicted in the film? Must be. I liked all the drinking and partying, and having just been in Rome for a length of time, the busy-ness of the nights is familiar. Silvia is a woman I will be in another life. Maybe not as blonde, but as sensual and womanly. Just like Marcello says, she's everything...The wife, the mother, the sister, the lover...I wish I didn't have to return the film tonight, or I would watch it again. Another time, and other place, another perspective.

!

near and far and always. anyone else feel this way about things?

thought of this day

"a woman needs a man like a fish need a bicycle"

colosseum, rome 

ponte fabricio, rome 

synagogue, rome